It’s the vanilla of all of the sexual positions, but did you know that there’s more that guys think about during missionary than ‘I wish she’d go on top!’

#1: Well, this is good. At the end of the day, sex is sex, anytime a guy can get one away is generally a good day.

#2: Am I hurting you? It’s nice that he thinks this because odds are you’re quite a bit smaller than him and it takes strength to keep his body lifted. If he gets tired, generally you get a little crushed.

#3: Is she enjoying this? Generally this face-to-face position means that girls are more conscious of how their face looks during sex. So odds are we either stay quite emotionless or overdo it.

#4: Stop trying to kiss me! I can’t thrust and keep my head straight at the same time!

#5: It’s been all me so far, when is she going to do something? There will be a part when he wants to stop holding himself up and lay down and let you steer the train for a while. You probably should, it’s only fair.

#6: Why is she reaching for a pillow? TO bite on? Odds are you’re just trying to put it underneath your bum, as it gives him easier access to your G spot.

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#7: My chest is sweaty and (almost) everything else is cold. Hey, that’s what happens.

#8: Are we going to stay in this position the whole time? One of you has to initiate a change in position. It’s not the daintiest thing to do, so make sure you know what position you’re going to.

#9: Ahh, my balls slapping you is making a weird sound. It can’t be helped, just moan to drown it out.

#10: Are we going to finish like this? Think about naked granny, think about naked granny.

#11: My arms hurt. Yep, that’ll generally happen throughout the whole thing.

#12: Why didn’t I start by flipping her over? Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

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#13: Okay it’s about to happen, am I wearing a condom? Where do I go? Help the poor guy out, let him know what’s okay with you!

#14: aaaand we’re done. I’m happy/tired/tingly.