Remember the guy who caught his girlfriend cheating because of something she neglected to crop out of a photo?
Well this is so, so much worse.
Simon, who was a guest on bawdy UK chat show Jeremy Kyle, took part in a segment called Did my fiancée cheat at the kebab shop?, so you can already get a feel for how it all went down.
He had concerns about his girlfriend’s fidelity after she went “missing for seven hours”, despite claiming to only be nipping out for a takeaway.
When she came back, however, Simon reckons her breath had a “fishy” whiff about it.
Naturally he concluded that the smell was distinctly semen-like, so she must have been cheating on him.
“I’ll be honest Simon,” voice-of-reason Jeremy said, “I don’t quite know how to put this. You had an argument with her and she went off.
“When she came back, you went to kiss her didn’t you?”
Simon responded: “She smelt a bit funny. Her breath had a fishy smell.”
— Victoria (@vickyallover) November 25, 2016
A trusty lie detector test concluded that there was a 99.9 per cent chance that Simon’s girlfriend was, indeed, keeping the truth from her boyfriend, leading to her getting an unceremonious heave-ho on national television.
“The kebab shop is down the road… get chilli sauce, sweetheart,” he called after her.
We should all call Simon Nose-tradamus from now on, eh?
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