We’ve all had those moments of pure disgust at how much food we’ve inhaled in a short period of time.
But these confessions are here to make you feel a WHOLE lot better…
1. The Pregnant Lady
“It might not count because I was massively pregnant but I woke up in the middle of the night, poured an entire box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch into a big glass bowl, threw in a bag of marshmallows, drizzled it with melted butter and then put it in the microwave to melt the marshmallows. I then watched Dexter for 2 hours and ate the whole thing while crying”.
2. Honey, I’m going to… the gym…
“I told my wife I was going to the gym, but somehow I ended up going to Mcdonald’s instead. I ate my cheeseburgers in a parking lot, and waited a little while until it seemed long enough for a workout. When I got home, I poured water on my head and shirt to look like I had been sweating. That is the absolute saddest and fattest thing I have ever done.”
3. The logical one..
“I ate half of a cake once when I should have only one piece. I was horrified and didn’t want anyone to know, so I finished the cake, baked a whole new one, forced myself to eat the one allowed piece. Then I barfed in the middle of dinner.”
“I once ate almost an entire bucket of those cheese balls then I sat there in my orange shame reflecting on the choices I’ve made”.
5. Sounds gross
“Ever heard of a Scotch egg? I make a dessert version using spice cake wrapped around a Cadbury egg and deep fried. Served with buttercream frosting as “gravy”. It’s absolutely delicious, but everyone within a 10 meter radius gets diabetes”
6. No brownie points for you, sorry
“I ate two pans of brownies in less than an hour. I didn’t even realise that I’d eaten that much until I saw the two empty pans.”
7. The Napper
“Bought a dozen large apple fritters, ate 11, puked, at #12, napped.
8. Angrily ate it
“Got the wrong order from a southern chicken restaurant called Zaxby’s, ate it angrily, then drove to the adjacent city and went to THAT Zaxby’s, ordered it again, got the right order, and then ate that angrily, too. It cost me about $17, not counting gas. It wasn’t even good.”
9. Over 2700 calories in one sittiing
“I once ordered a 20 piece McNugget from McDonald’s, and realized there were actually only 19 nuggets. I was in a pissy mood already, so I went back and made a big deal out of it, and they gave me a whole new 20 piece, leaving me with 39 total nuggets, all of which I ate in one sitting.”
10. So. Much. Food
“Anniversary time. Wife and I walk four blocks down the hill to the House of Prime Rib. We gorge on meat meat meat meat meat meat meat. Oh yeah, there’s a salad and we eat that too. Groaning with pleasure, we waddle out of the restaurant. Look up the hill. We can see our apartment. I look at her. She looks at me. We hail a cab.”
11. This sounds delicious
“A double hamburger, with the ends made of grilled cheese sandwiches. Grilled Cheese Patty Bun Patty Grilled Cheese. I could literally feel my arteries clogging.”
12. The bang bang
“I did what’s called a bang-bang. I ate at two completely separate restaurants, and had two full meals, back to back. I saw it on an episode of Louie and thought it would be fun to try. It was, but I’d never do it again. I gained eight pounds that day.”
13. The buttery one
“At a carnival a few years back, I had deep fried butter. I kid you not, it was a stick of butter put in batter then deep fried with cinnamon and sugar. I wallowed in my artery clogging misery afterwards.”
“I once ate half a tub of ice cream with a tablespoon of Nutella spread accompanying every mouthful because I ran out of chocolate syrup. I later learnt of the nutritional content of Nutella, and realised that I must have ingested a week’s allowance of saturated fats in one sitting.”
15. What is wrong with me?
“I ate 10 breakfast burritos from McDonald’s over the course of an hour on a fishing trip. I felt like a soft serve machine that was accidentally left on the next time I shat. I’ve drunk a ladle full of melted butter and straight taco grease for like 75 cents for each one. I could feel my heart struggling. But it was for money so it’s okay”
16. What movie was that
“I was meeting friends at the theatre. They were late so I bought extra-large popcorn and two large drinks, for all of us. Nobody came. I walked out of that movie with half a drink and depression.”
17. Backhanded compliment
“I ate a $20 dinner for 2 at Chilis all by myself. My waitress said she was “impressed and disgusted.”
18. The monster pizza
“Created a 9000 calorie pizza with some friends. We split it up and each slice had around 1200 calories each”
19. Imaginary friends
“Phoning for pizza delivery. “It’s buy one get one free today, sir.” So naturally, I pretend to shout up to non-existent housemates to ask them if they want one, before telling the guy on the end of the phone that, yes, “we” will take two. Ate both in one sitting.”
“I ate a whole ham. Correct. A whole. entire. ham”.