If there’s one things these kids have taught us, it’s no matter how clear you think your instructions are… there’s always room to be misinterpreted!
Check out some of the hilarious stories these Redditors shared after being asked what crazy things their kids had done when trying to follow instructions.
Let’s just say sometimes things can be taken a little too literally…
Defense or The Fence?
My kid plays soccer. The coach told him on Saturday that he was going to be defense but due to the coach’s accent, what he heard was that he was going to be the fence so for 15 minutes my son stood still in the middle of the field pretending to be a fence. It was explained to him at half time and he improved his game after that. I asked him what made him think that and he said the ball never goes past the fence when we play at home, so…
Time to jump into bed
When I was around 7 my dad told my brother (who was about 4) to go jump into bed one night. My brother took it literally and tried to jump into his bottom bunk. We had those old exposed metal, army barrack looking bunk beds, so of course that didn’t end well and he hit his head on the top bunk.
Blood is pouring down my brother’s face as he’s now got a huge gash right by his eye. My dad is yelling at me to hold a towel on his cut and pushes my hand down onto the towel, so he can get his shoes and keys to head to the hospital, while I’m yelling back that I can’t because ill get aids, because of course my dad had been talking to me constantly about how you get aids from touching other people’s blood, so NEVER touch someone bleeding! ah the 90s. I remember him dragging me into the ER while I was bawling “I have aids, I have aiiiiiddddssss!”, while my brother was crying because he was hurt and had blood all over his face and clothes.
Me: “If you’d like something, you have to say ‘please’, ok?”
Toddler: “pwease ok!”
Me: “not ‘please ok’, just ‘please’.”
Toddler: “just pwease!”
I can’t find the brown parachute…
Just this past weekend I asked my son to run up to his room and grab the brown pair of shoes. Poor kid was up there for like 15 minutes before returning defeated saying he couldn’t find the “brown parachute”.
Make sure you touch first base
When my son started T-Ball the coach told him you hit the ball then have to touch all the bases. He ran as fast as he could to first base, stopped right before it, bent over and touched it lightly with his finger. Bolted to second, stopped right next to the base, bent over and gingerly touched it. Continued the pattern all the way to home plate.
Pop this in the loo…
My brother liked to help pack away groceries, so my mother handed him the toilet rolls and asked him to pop them in the loo. Well he took them out of the wrapped and put them all in the toilet bowl
The politest trick or treater
Halloween, when he was three. We had talked earlier in the day about how to extract candy from grownups, he’s all excited to get dressed up and walk around the block. So we get to a house, knock on the door, and he promptly forgot his line when the neighbor answered.
“Remember what you say to get candy?”
“Oh! TRICK OR PLEASE!”
Spit It Up
My son was about three and wasn’t saying clearly what he wanted to say, so I asked him to spit it out. Yup, he did- right in my hand!
You put toothpaste where?!
Had a babysitter friend tell me about a kid that was sent to brush his teeth. Somehow this translated to toothpaste on his privates but he didn’t tell anyone for like an hour or two when it was unbearable. He finally fessed up after they called the parents home to take him to immediate care.
Please Thank You
My son was a silly three-year-old. When I explained to him that he had to say please and thank you to people if he wanted anything, he started every sentence with “pleaseunfankew can I haz–” and once he had decided they were all one word, it took ages to explain how to separate and use the words correctly.
Goats eat quarters right?
When my son was about 2, we went to a farm that had a pen with some goats. There was a gumball machine filled with food pellets you could purchase for a quarter. “Let’s go get some quarters to feed the goats!”, I told him. As we walked back from the car, quarters smushed into his sweaty little hand, he bolted toward the pen and threw them through the gate.
The human pita bread
I work as an early childhood teacher with 2 year olds. A staff member told the children to fill their pockets(pita) with falafel and salad. After a few minutes the child turns around to the teacher and says, “But, teacher there’s no more room in my pocket”. He’d filled his pockets to the brim with techina, chummus, falafel and salad.
Pea or Pee?
My dad’s favorite story is his BIL says to his 5 year old son “eat all your food and pea on your plate before you can be excused” so 5 year old nephew to my dad eats his food and promptly stands up and pees on his plate
A lesson in counting higher
My 3 year old cousin told my grandpa she could count to ten.
He said, “That’s great! Can you count any higher?”
“Yes! jump One, jump two, jump three….”
Just chuck it…
I was a very outgoing kid always wanted to be a part of everything and often stayed for the after school programs. We were all out playing at the playground having a good time when one of the newer strict teachers comes up to get us to line up. I had a lolipop (i believe it was red) we all started lining up and i knew i couldn’t bring it in the class so i ask what i should do with it. The teacher then replies “chuck it” i was confused. I had never heard that term before. So i ended up LITERALLY throwing it as hard as i could and it shatters all over the ground. Guess what lucky little boy had to go pick up the pieces? Me of coarse. Then all the kids thought i was stupid cuz they knew what she meant.